A gentle transition to motherhood

My Marilyn, My Lifeline

Posted by on Mar 25, 2014 in Blog | 0 comments

There is a woman in my life who visits once a week.  She isn’t my mother, but I have cried on her shoulder.  She has seen me without a bra, or makeup, or clean teeth.  She has wiped my children’s bottoms and prepared their meals.

Her name is Marilyn.  She visits because she wants to, I guess.  Because she sees what it is to be a mother, to feel alone and isolated and often at sea.  She has been one herself.  Her children are grown.  I know this because I grew with them, so, in turn, she has watched me grow.

She is still watching me grow.

When she first started visiting she said, “Please don’t try to take care of me.  I’m here to help you, not be one more person whose needs you have to meet”.  It was hard to let go of the habit of taking care of others.  But I did.  Now she gets her own drink.  She brings her own lunch.

We take my twins to baby and me classes.  She runs around with twice my energy.  She makes up games with them.  She creates gingerbread houses out of diaper boxes.

She sees me.  She hears me.  And despite all that she sees and hears, she tells me I’m a great Mom.  That I’m doing a wonderful job.

I will never be able to thank her.  She has made my life easier and enabled me to do things with my twins I literally couldn’t do on my own.   And to think when she first offered I thought she was just being polite.  I blew it off thinking “who the hell wants to come hang out in this chaos every week?”  Marilyn did.

She isn’t my mother.  She wasn’t a friend.  But she is sometimes my lifeline.

There are Marilyns everywhere, gently asking you if they can help.  But we are often so busy thinking we should be able to do it on our own, that we forget it doesn’t mean we have to.  Keep an eye out for your Marilyn.  And if you find her….hold on tight.  She is a lifeline you may not even know you need.

Kira Dorrian and Tracy Adams are Seattle-based Clinical Hypnotherapists and HypnoBirthing® Practitioners, each a mom of twins. Together they have created HypnoMothering™, a class designed to help prepare women for a gentle transition into motherhood, and a safe space for new mothers to be seen, heard, and supported.

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