A gentle transition to motherhood

The Luckiest Decision I’ve Ever Made

Posted by on Jun 12, 2014 in Blog | 2 comments

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” -Anne Geddes

I’d love to tell you that I chose my children’s father carefully.  That I spent years examining his qualities, picturing how he would be with our future, unborn babies.  I’d love to believe that at 23 I had the capacity for such reason.

In truth, at 23 I knew that I loved this man, that I’d never find better (this turned out to be so very true) and that I needed a UK visa sooner than later.  Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t get married for the visa exactly.  We wanted to be together forever, but the international issues pushed us along at a rapid pace.

At 23 I had finally found someone after all my years (ahem) of searching.  I’d dated my token assholes, including one man who I eventually found out was married.  Off the back of that broken heart I fled to England where I was introduced to someone “short and nerdy, with an edge”.  This was my description of my type when asked at the time.  It couldn’t have been further from the truth, but I needed a change.  And there, at the gates of Greenwich Palace, I met my husband and future father of my children.

We will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary next month.

This man that I married is, without question, the luckiest decision I’ve ever made.  I always say that I moved to England because I was too young and stupid to give it a second thought.  My time there was a roller coaster of joy and sorrow, but my husband was always the light of my life.

We’ve been poor together, creative together, happy together and frustrated together.  We’ve been wealthy together, and poor again (ah children).  We’ve produced shows together, performed together, and now we are raising twins together.

So let me tell you about him, this man that I married.  He IS short, and nerdy, with an edge.  If he took an IQ test my guess is he’d test as a genius.  He has zero common sense.  He is gentle, loving, funny and, most importantly, interesting.  I love hearing how his brain works.

With me he is kind, patient (oh lord, so patient) and loyal.  I never fear he will cheat.  I never fear he will leave me.  I am loved.  He makes that very clear.

With our children he is amazing.  He is patient, he is loving, he is, above all, PRESENT.  He comes to every check-up, as many dance classes as he can, and takes the kids to soccer on Saturday mornings.  I teach on Saturdays so he has been known to take them to birthday parties, the Aquarium, and other fun activities – all by himself.  He knows their routine, wakes up with them in the morning until I manage to find my way to the coffee, and bathes them at night.  He plays “Daddy Ghost”, hide and seek, reads stories, wears tutus on his thigh and stomps through the house like a dinosaur.  He is, in a word, a Daddy.

I am often disappointed to hear that he is treated like some kind of hero for being this kind of Dad.  As if he is going above and beyond, when it truth, this should be everyone’s expectation of a father – especially their children.  I generally refuse to throw him a party for being so involved.  After all, no one throws me a party for it (when do you ever hear someone say, “she’s such an INVOLVED mother”?).  And this, too, he puts up with.

But today is the day we celebrate Fathers.  Today is their party.  And a well earned one at that.  So I willingly, joyfully and excitedly salute my husband for raising the bar, for owning his role as Daddy with pride, for putting up with all the crazy that is me, and for being the luckiest decision I’ve ever made.

David – our children are so blessed to have you as their father.  They will grow in security, love, patience and pride having been raised by you.  You give them things I cannot give and take charge in the areas I fall down.  Thank you thank you thank you for being the man you are and for choosing me ten years ago to go on this crazy journey with.  I love you and appreciate you every, single day.

DK

Happy Father’s Day to you and to all the amazing Daddies out there.

 

Kira Dorrian and Tracy Adams are Seattle-based Clinical Hypnotherapists and HypnoBirthing® Practitioners, each a mom of twins. Together they have created HypnoMothering™, a class designed to help prepare women for a gentle transition into motherhood, and a safe space for new mothers to be seen, heard, and supported.

2 Comments

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  1. Alison

    Love this post. If someone wrote that about me, I’d never expect another present ever again. I agree with you that an involved and fun father should be seen as normal- so I feel lucky yours and mine are ones that will help shape their kids’ lives for the better!

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